whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
