whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
