i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Alive.
So much puke
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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