I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
