I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
