If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
