Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
