I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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