Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize