Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
