somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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