I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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