This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize