Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
