why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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