I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
