I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
