Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
