Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
