You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
