If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize