I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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