There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
