He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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