No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
