He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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