This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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