So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
