i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
