Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
