HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize