made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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