after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
