I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
