Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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