Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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