I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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