One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize