; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
