I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
