would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
