I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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