p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
