I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
