i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
