dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
