dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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