just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
