You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Do vagina's smell?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
