hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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