No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How naked do you want me to be?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
