How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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