sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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