There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
