So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
