I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
