Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
