The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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