I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
