It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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