when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
