you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
50% drunk capacity currently
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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