So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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