I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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