My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
