best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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