I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
