How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
