could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
