im having a threesome with these popsicles
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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