I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
