that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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